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th (43)

I recall a few years back… when my family member turned down the wrong street and the police got behind us and pulled us over! I knew there wasn’t a problem… I asked questions respectably and it was my black family member that they had a problem with and told us to get out of their neighborhood. 

Politely being racists I thought. I creep the one officer completely out … I looked him in his face and  it unnerved him… He then put one finger over his badge number. And it was the grace of God nothing happened to us that Saturday in Evergreen Park… They followed us out of the neighborhood back toward Western… I was taken back and very angry… In the 21st century traveling together has become a problem.

Another experience… We left church and we were on our way to Hyde Park and we made a stop at a store.  The girl in the store didn’t want me there because I was told to go on the other side of town where the Mexicans are what I needed was in where they lived… Okay! I had to keep it together but I went there! My kind wasn’t allowed in their store…  My family member was so shocked, but I wasn’t. The Hispanics was another world that I was told to be in…

When I am not accepted in certain parts of Chicago… quite naturally its no longer a shock for me.  I have lived a life of rejection to some degree and have made best out bad situations. I shared    “ONLY” those two experiences and both were forms of racism. It didn’t limit my pain nor my experiences. I keep the awareness there because mentally people have limited access to everyday realities… BLACK OR WHITE.

I wont make the police be the main problem at the root of racism but I will make racist police the problem.  I wont make every black store clerk  the main problem but I will make the racist store clerks the problem.

Identifying the causes and the effects. Regardless of what race you are… We all have experienced some level of racism. Although blacks don’t own the night with racial hatred… Other nationalities have similar stories like mine.  in such disbelief that people are so cruel.

 Someone asked me and told me… I know you are part Cuban… I was taken with the fact that this was on her mind. What difference does it make?  

When I encounter  ignorance at this alarming rate… I have to ask what part of who they are …wasn’t educated enough? Being racist is an insecurity but I also learned that being the victim of racism so long you become just like them …a PROBLEM!

Being of a mixed race … I am tired! Whatever part of the rainbow that they deem me to be under … I allow them to pick!  

I have never seen so many women concerned with my looks, they want to know if my body parts were paid for…the texture of my hair… It goes on and on.  Really????, do you have to wonder why I have to take a break. If you have never dealt  with it… you wouldn’t understand it! 

My genetic makeup upsets so many ignorant people and send women to the roof.  I don’t bother to explain I just tell them…whatever you  prefer pick a letter or a number. Although, I know our community dodge real talk about their inner demons, inner struggles to be accepted. Yet, we have to stop ignoring just how bad we treat each other. It sounds silly but it’s getting to be a bit much. When I am told I don’t belong…I have accepted the truth… You’re right! I don’t belong and don’t want to!

No matter how much the black or brown has endured…We have to start doing an honest assessment especially those who call themselves Christians. It was a farce then its a bigger farce now… When I have to be among certain groups to be accepted and celebrated…too many are so busy trying to be free from others when there are shackles in their hearts and spirits.  I should  be able to go to the House of God without prejudices… in the ideal world …Yes… but around my world No…

Racial cliques are among any race. And for those who spread the lies that African-Americans can’t be racists…they lie!  Any race can be full of jealousy and deviant hatreds. I see it everyday.  I have to select what’s the better road, the grocery store…my everything to avoid  some of the stress of racism!  I think what has educated me and has done the most damage…Is the fact that so many can’t handle that the inner struggles that are just as important and eroding  the fibers of unity with each other! Some leaders like you hating…they instigate race in order to capitalize and gain community trust fraudulently. When communications is basically getting down  to your selective set of people….Is this too not racism? I am not going to be the poster child for  inner racism.  Meaning we have a lot of issues that much be dealt with because of rejection and we can’t blame the police and everyone who we “think” are against us… when I have lived  this life long enough to know that  the bad  police   wasn’t  my  only adversaries it what was has been my experience with the self-hatred that our race can’t seem to acknowledge.

And the other sad part about this…there seems to be no healing but more hurting. Cure hatred means cure the heart and mind. Racism is still alive and well but  people who may  have been offended by racism somehow used this also as a crutch to attack, and keep themselves in bondage.  We can’t make excuses for why one murder or violate each other. We need to stop locking arms and singing the songs of victory when we sound like victims. We have to  deal with the self loathe and hatred that people like myself have experienced because of the results of long term acts of racism. Some of this is in our heads but most of it exists daily! Until we get a grasp< on hateful we cant be… And we wont be that effective in telling the world just how hateful they are and  that they have issues with us when we are in denial about our inner struggles!