I’ve heard these statements many times before… ” Is that your real granddaughter” Asking my mother’s mom. Were you adopted? Why was my mother babysitting this beautiful “white or Spanish ” baby? The embarrassment and shame I felt when my mother would come pick me up from school and they’d ask if that is my real mom?
But nothing floored me when one of my own said…”Thank God for your “Dad” because apparently you have his looks because your “mother” side of the family is quite ugly”. Oddly, I the color of my skin was always being made fun of being called “light bright” or a “cracker” …Jalapeno pepper…Miss Taco Bell… Miss Burrito…
I can’t tell you how that hurt my heart. Growing up, they would ask my “mother” side of the family who did I belong to? Now , I know that might not bother some but just think of the spirit of rejection that set in early as a child for me.
I was never my mother’s child but when I was with my father he was never questioned. Don’t think I didn’t sense when they insinuated that they called my mother “ugly” and they wondered why my Dad had been with this “ugly” black woman. And it’s ironic… when I went around my “mother’s” side of the family…they called me out of my name… and my grandmother and her children would insinuate to that I wasn’t that attractive because I wasn’t black enough. I was “ugly” too.
She thought mixed children were the ugliest! Being of a mixed raced being called ugly was nothing compared to you never belong anyplace. I always identified myself as Marilyn from the television show ” The Munsters”. I never fit in… when others saw me they often would as “what happened to them”?
The power of nasty words can sting no doubt it… I saw the hurt in my mothers face. I saw the diligence in keeping her body together and making up in other places where she felt the most attractive.
I knew she wasn’t the most assertive person in the world,.. because my mother thought that she wasn’t that attractive either. My mother was always hurt when they said that I definitely had taken after my father. My mother knew what they were saying and I knew how it bothered her that everyone couldn’t believe that the beautiful little girl was hers. I would often not want to go places because of all the insecurities that she and I both had.
It wasn’t until now, how many hurtful things kept me even much more aloof. Although, I am pretty quiet by nature. Regardless, of what I was called or what they said about me, I grew in another way! I became even more attractive when I grew in God’s wisdom on how to preserve myself. I feed my mind with every since of education and elevate my heart and mind… And it is still a practice this very day! I am always studying and I am always open to continue to learn new things. I have a strong prayer life and I long for the basking of God’s presence. Without him I might feel “ugly”… and act ugly. I know the power in speaking LIFE… AND NOT DEATH. I
stay even more beautiful in my jar of staying away from negative people and speaking negative things! I honor what God has made me and I am still a work in progress. What I possess no plastic surgeon is given these skills they are perfected by God and God alone. Although, he might use people to be conduits in his pottery!
I can spot the real monsters especially those who try to bring others down with insults. I understood even as child why didn’t make or say derogatory comments about people especially the world “ugly”. The word “ugly” sent my mother there. Often times people wanted to compare my handsome father to my ugly mother. My Dad got angry when others tried to insult my mother. Sadly, no matter how much they tried to hide it from me… I saw the cruelty in the mouths of others.
How well or maladjusted I became might be one’s opinion but still it is what respond to. I know many might judge people on their looks. Superficial is just sheer superficial. Some of most attractive people are the ones who know how to treat human beings. Material things and money. I don’t get caught up in someone “net worth”. What good is money and being with a demon? I don’t care how wealthy you are, what status you might hold, or your title, how good looking you are, and all the other outside junk people go for.
If you can’t hold my attention…with a some common sense, you are already at a loss. I know many are wooed with the material possessions and the superficial of good looks nonsense… Sorry, I am NOT! What the world call good looks is really dangerous, becacuse you have no idea of what you are getting. There is no perfection just keeping it 100% for myself. I know the real beauty and its not sold in a cosmetic shop…It’s GOD GIVEN!
The most attractive people in the world are the ones with the big hearts from the inside and it overflows to the outside which makes you gorgeous. Beauty is only skin deep but the real inner beauty is really in the blood.
Poison can be pretty or tall, gorgeous, or handsome and with loads of money, the right physical bodies with the jacked up minds. It has to be the God in you that captures me and motivates me. Looks will fade… but the heart to keep me engaged will last a lifetime!