The story of the Phoenix is “Greek mythology of a bird that keeps regenerating and reborn…I am called “Phoenix” because of prophetic symbolism! The story about me being the “fire bird” in this part of history overcoming , after … that I have gone through life scorches as if it turned into complete ashes if I wont rise again… but continues to come back!
My 21-year-old niece, called me and she begin to tell me about certain things she went through in our family! I was livid to say the least but I wasn’t shocked ! The conversation was somewhat painful but I knew she was telling the truth. She said that she has been always reminded by them aka my mother side of the family, … that she looks and acts likes me… and found herself feeling like she was the outsider. I never wanted to hear those words but I knew the day would come again!
That crushed me! The air was knocked right out of me! I wanted to just drop the phone and run! I was being confronted yet again, with what I prayed not to happen to either one of my niece’s …night and day.
The eldest niece wont sugar coat one word…while they other quietly suck things up and not quite ask too many questions! Oddly, both of my brothers have girls who will experience the same level of prejudices and jealousy within “our” family! And I expose ‘ALL ” OF IT… even the parts they want kept hidden.
I have to explain…
I have my younger niece who looks almost identical to me, certain personality traits… she has the quiet side and hold things in and wont rock the boat. Just like her father!
The other who favors my mother but she and I are almost identical in personalities! Her father snaps but then has to get away! Either way that same demon spirits in our family just refuse to die because no one wants to first expose the wicked among blood kin!
I don ‘t care!
Unfortunately sometimes their father’s can’t understand why the inner conflicts with the family especially the women folks get so explosive. I have never played the less keep quiet game and pray it dies down…. Evil doesn’t die down it has to be cast out!
All because people we love and favor doesn’t necessarily mean that they are always how they appeal to others! I know how people adore their pick monsters and hate when someone confronts them how bad it really is. This requires that you must look them in the face, and deal with the monster head on. So many like their monsters because they have been faithful in their journey to hell together. It’s when someone like my niece start going there to confront. She must but ostracized, humiliated and then made to feel as if she isn’t apart of the family.
Are any of you getting the picture? For those who surround themselves with bad people and make excuses. Pay dirt will come for you and them sooner or later!
When my niece begin to talk all what happened to me came flooding back. And I honestly would like someone to tell my story but they can’t capture the level of pain “I” experienced with the jealousy , racism and the bullying.
My niece e reminded me of myself going through things that I needed answers to because the level of hatred and dysfunction was messing with you. I ran to my father who was “absolutely” no help. I found no comfort in a man who was already at war with himself. My mom died, so I am left with something else that was more of a burden that delight. We lie about how bad it is in our families but I will leave on record how messed up mines was. I destroy the generational behaviors that was in my family. I applaud all of you who wont share to save others. We want everyone to think we had it going on… but I knew the day my mother died…I grieved for more than her death…I knew my life of hell was going kick up a notch…And Oh boy! When I speak publicly about the hell I went through… people are amazed that I have the courage to tell it and still on fire for God to tell it!
When I got to my father side of the family for answers that didn’t quite satisfy me but I dealt basically with that side which was another side of not dealing with family secrets! I looked like them, so the prejudices weren’t there but the secrets were! I found no comfort, no protection from the people who are supposed to have my back…Well, this is when I turned into more than the Warrior Princess… I learned that I was the PHOENIX!
Some Men don’t get the low down , catty and jealous women can get The outcry of strong men are never advocated… and I commend all the good men! Our westernized society have totally dismantle families in more ways than one. Some especially African-American men are not held accountable like they should be… by being just seeds donors! The escalation of violence has man stems but the roots are hardly dealt with. Children need their father’s to be hunters than being the hunted. A man’s sexual conquests are rites of passage instead of teaching him to hold down his family…He is a stud for having whorish behavior. Our boys are taught that disrespecting women is the rites of passage of not being a “sissy”…which in fact this kind of behavior is! Admiring women is one thing but the sexualizing them is another!
Our children are subjected to more because many of you dropped the ball…somewhere. There are no perfect parents but I get some sense of comfort even if you tried. My father, was handsome and loved all of his daughter but I am the ONLY one that stayed with him to the end…and NOT THAT HE STAYED WITH ME! I am teaching my niece to not give into the what society embraces but be the game changers!
SADLY, …It had taken someone from the outside to force me to pay attention and look at the truth! I was the “black sheep” of the family! I was always rejected from the color of my skin to the texture of my hair! I had to fight for the simplest things that might come easy for others! However, despite how many times I shared with my brothers the hatred… Neither one of them understood. I wanted my niece to feel protected and love not isolated by her own family! My past called me one more time to remind me how I often felt let down and not covered. When the people in our lives are violated, by inner racial wars. child abuse, or other prejudices in our families some men just don’t get the level of pain by others. Women can express this frustrations by advocating equal level of pain by becoming bitter or marrying more abuse ! I took the low road and I will stay there !
Pain catapults me but I am also tired of it! I stop explaining when I feel that disconnect, so I learned to pray and meditate. The kind of pain my niece is experiencing didn’t start on the streets but within our bloodline. I told her not to let the choices of others make her mean-spirited but continue her nursing school regardless of what is thrown at her! I wanted her to know that she has to push pass the ignorance of others and I could hear her strength but I heard that familiar tone of being abused and rejection… I answered with strong rebukes against everyone who tried to discourage her! I had to share my hardships at the expense of exposing my mother’s evil side of the family! You want to know why so much violence, and no follow through because we have instigated no level of accountability! Your freedom extends more than appearing as a father but standing up against the things that come against his wife, and children.
Certain men dumb down with life because hiding in the crowd you can appear as being the man.., in realty he has to confront being a coward and his inner fears! what tears men away from their responsibilities and families including religion. That is why so many wimp out…because they can’t handle reality it requires that you step out and step up!
No one looks at how it goes against God when it’s often the fatherless children that lack protection and a sense of being and this can birth REBELLION. I know right now what I am saying is so far over their heads because there is just sheer self-gratification and samplers but no real commitment to what true ministry is and it doesn’t starts with one who puts on a collar or a robe on. It’s when that one knows that the more committed men of God stabilizes his family before ascending into the frame of being called the “man”.
I know from experience everything even in most churches has nothing to do with God but the fall of men! Somehow, someway God is secondary and what deems to high in the public eye is first…That is why so many men fall in ministry. Self leads self right into degradation! This leads to more unstable homes which can breed more anger and violence within human beings!
When a FATHER is off his post , MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT…this creates his equilibrium being off in the universe… And if he is where he should be and what he should, at least stand for…it births and is productive. When things come against the women in his life…He knows what to do,even if he is just listening! …God made him a “HUNTER” for part of this reason… today what they hunt for has nothing to do with hunting but they get captured while hunting and the game wins… He then becomes frozen and more superficial in his time and with his prophetic treasures… and are no more than sperm donors even in the spirit, who have no idea what from boys to men actually means!